Monday, August 9, 2010

Losing your tarot virginity

Losing your tarot virginity

The experience of getting your first tarot deck is an amazing experience. I have been buying old vintage rider waite decks from ebay one from the early 70’s and the other must be older. This has been making me think about the day when I first bought my deck. The feeling I had and the experience is a strong memory, one that I have not thought about in a long time but when asked to recall it, it is clear.

I bought my first deck at thirteen years old in the eighth grade at the time. I was interested in Wicca during this age and was speaking with the “wiccan Goth” kids. I had them buy me a book on wicca, I read it and wanted to go visit the store they got it from. It was like mission in possible, the plan was to be dropped of at the mall with a friend and then walk to the store. This was not a store you wanted you parents to know you were going to so it was all secretive and being thirteen it was a thrill.

I entered the store and was amazed and a little shocked by it. It seemed out of place, it is a shop you would find maybe in the 60’s or 70’s. It was very “hippy” but also very gothic, punk, Wiccan, spiritual all together. It was a multifaceted store. I looked at the funky things they had, crystals, spell books, goddess figures, candles, you know the fun stuff. I was looking for books or things related to Magick. However little did I know future was being made, fate was at hand the Gods were pushing me into my direction and purpose in life. I came across the shelves with the tarot decks. I was mesmerized and knew right away I had to get a deck. I thought to myself how cool it would be to read the future, to tell fortunes and the like. I picked up the Rider Waite deck in the yellow box. The cashier gave me a warning to be careful that I should not give bad fortunes. I laughed, did not think much of it, he was trying to spook me out.

We walked back to the mall and I was opening the deck in the entrance way, I could not wait I wanted to see what they looked like. I took some quick glances at them and put them away for further examination at home. When I got home I took them out once more and went through them. The images were provocative, they caught my attention. What did they mean? What are these symbols? I asked myself. How can I use them? Will I ever understand them? I doubted for a moment. Feeling the cards on my fingers, the smooth matt finish was soft. The smell of fresh new deck was strong and became my favorite thing about new decks. The feeling is hard to describe fully. It is like finding a part of yourself you did not you know had. Finding that one thing in your life you liked right away. The thing you felt you could develop over time and learn and could become a part of your life. It is like turning on a light in a room that has been dark for a very long time. Tarot was the light that filled a dark void I had. I went to this store looking for magic, and I found it!

The dream came crashing when I laid the cards into a celtic cross from the LWB. I was confused did not know how to read them, what to do with them, what it all meant. I was sad, upset and disappointed. I put them away, only to take them out again and try once more to make sense of the arcane symbols. Even since that time I used tarot throughout high school, testing it on students and teachers. Predicating tests scores (It was correct the first time I tired). It has brought me joy and happiness. When I hold a deck of cards I feel a sense of wholeness and openness to what the universe wants to offer me.

I felt that I was guided to tarot, what was your first experience with tarot? Do you feel that you were guided and meant to read the cards? Was your experience magical? Let me know